Sarah and Josh are the unlikely couple that are perfect for each other when you think about it for a minute. Hey, yeah, that's a great idea - they should totally be together. My prediction... they'll be wonderful - for each other and everyone they meet.
The only problem was, and it was me, I admit it... is my strange affliction. I have a rare form of Tourette's syndrome, that instead of uncontrollably shouting profanity, I think the most sarcastic and inappropriate thing possible inside my head. That hasn't been correctly diagnosed by a medical professional yet, but I still have time. The couple actually getting married is in an incredibly emotional and vulnerable moment - what they are hearing for the most part, is a loud buzzing in their ears.
What better time to mess with them than that? It's just an amazing opportunity.
Fortunately, God in His Grace spared me from my worst instincts, but here is a top ten list of things I was tempted to do before the ceremony that no one actually got to see or hear :)
Top Ten Things I Refrained from Doing at Josh and Sarah's Wedding:
10. Buy a giant foam pope hat and put it on as people were watching the bridal procession (suggested by my friend Dave).
9. Random Johnny Cash lyrics... i.e., "Dearly Beloved, love is a burning flame. And it makes... a fiery ring..."
8. Swap out the actual Emily Dickinson poem with, "Because I could not stop for death." Just imagine... as a blessing over this couple today, we wanted to read this poem.... (in my best Peppermint Patty voice to Chuck) "BECAUSE I COULD NOT STOP FOR DEATH, HE KINDLY STOPPED FOR ME..."
7. The obligatory, "Mawwiage! That Bwessed Awwangement..."
6. To grab wildly for Sarah's ring and yell, "I FOUNDS IT! THE PRECIOUS!!" while dancing around crazily.
5. Ask the bride to pick a card, any card.
4. Read the introduction to the Magna Carta as a prelude.
3. At some point, say something completely incoherent then nod to Josh and say, "dude, go ahead." And just wait.
2. To do my best gravelly Batman voice for the entire event.
1. Three supersoakers filled with the "holy waters of matrimony" that the bride, groom and I would use to hose down the crowd.
Only three of those thing actually happened, so it went pretty well.
Thanks guys for allowing me to be a part of an incredible and holy moment. My heart is with you as you start this journey together...